A Robot Wedding
by Queenbean3
Summary: When WALL-E decides to ask EVE to marry him, the Captain is faced with a dilemma; Robots have never, ever gotten married before.


Disclaimer: Since this is a fanfic, I should think it's obvious that I don't own any part of WALL·E because I still don't work for Disney or Pixar yet. Also, I should point out that there is one OC in here who made her first appearance in my first WALL·E fic "The Family Directive." You might want to read that first, but it won't make a lot of difference to understanding this story. That said, read and enjoy!

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The Robot Wedding

WALL·E was no stranger to the word 'marriage'. It was just one of many new words he had learned after watching "Hello, Dolly!"over and over again. He had little idea of what any of those words really meant, though, until much later. It was somewhere around the time that a rocket ship dropped out of the sky like a bomb and smashed his entire concept of reality. EVE came with that ship, and the instant he saw her he knew what the lyrics of the song _It Only Takes a Moment_ really meant. In just one moment, he knew he wanted to be with her for another seven-hundred year lifespan.

EVE had not known any of this at the time, of course. Back then she had been just like any other robot with a directive to complete and little interest in much else. She reacted to the unfamiliar WALL·E with hostility at first, then indifference, and finally friendliness. She did not know it then, but the little garbage-bot was changing her. He was changing her life as much as she had unwittingly changed his. He sparked her curiosity with his highly un-robotic behavior, and he treated her in a way that made her feel less like a robot herself. The more time she spent with him, the more the probe-bot started to forget that she was a robot at all.

It took some more time after that, though, for EVE to finally reach the same level of understanding as WALL·E. As it was, he had to follow her all the way back into space and to the Axiom, and then it was in, out and all over the gigantic vessel with several lucky escapes from certain doom. EVE had no idea how or why WALL·E had followed her so far from his home. But there he was, and no matter how many times he was chased, shot at, electrocuted or ejected into space, he just kept coming back for more. It became abundantly clear to EVE that WALL·E was determined not to leave her. And by then, she had gotten so used to having him around that she didn't _want_ him to leave her.

And so when the Axiom finally returned to Earth, the two robots remained inseparable. When they were not working with the humans to restore the planet to a habitable status, they spent every moment of every day together. Sometimes they would wander the changing landscape hand in hand, other times they would watch movies or play video games in the old truck, but most of the time they would just sit around doing nothing together.

It was during one such time when they were doing nothing together that the idea of marriage popped into WALL·E's head. It was a concept much discussed in "Hello, Dolly!" but he had never witnessed a real marriage until his human friends John and Mary invited him and EVE to their wedding. The concept was still a bit fuzzy to him, but from what WALL·E could tell marriage was a very old custom practiced by humans when they wished to spend their lives together. This wish became a binding pact during a ceremony called a wedding. The couple would promise before an audience to always love each other and remain a united pair no matter what happened. Then the Captain would say "I now pronounce you man and wife," everybody would cheer, and eat too much cake.

WALL·E pondered these things for a very long time before bringing the subject up with EVE. It wasn't that he was afraid to bring it up, but that he didn't really know _how_ to bring it up. Even after so many years of listening to human actors talk on video tapes and then _more_ years of listening to real humans talk, his vocabulary was still very limited. He had so many words in his head, but no effective way to express them. Nevertheless, he was willing to give it his best try.

They were at their favorite bench watching the sunset that day. The trash bin where WALL·E had burned their names inside a heart with his welding laser was still there. They were holding hands as usual, and EVE was just starting to get comfortable when WALL·E began to speak. "Ahem … uh … Eee-vah?"

"Hmm?" She turned her head and looked at him, not caring one iota that he had mispronounced her name yet again. He was gazing back at her with an unusual look in his binocular optics. Then he was looking at the ground, then at the sunset, as if he couldn't decide where to focus. She wondered if something was wrong. "WALL·E?" she asked, concern evident in her synthetic voice.

The garbage-bot wrung his hands together anxiously, still shifting his eyes around strangely. Then he was fidgeting around on the bench, and even his voice started to sound strange. "Ehh…umm…uhh…"

It was no good. Not only couldn't he find the words to say what he wanted, but he was so nervous that he was forgetting what he had wanted to say in the first place. He decided he needed his trusty music player to boost his confidence and pressed the 'play' button. Just as he had hoped _It Only Takes a Moment_ began to play. Hearing the words of the song helped WALL·E remember what it was he wanted and gave him the courage to straighten himself up and look EVE in the eye again. The probe-bot looked back at him in confusion but remained silent. Whatever he wanted to say must be pretty big if it was making him this restless.

WALL·E clasped his hands in front of his chest and leaned forward. "Eee-vah …" he said in a tone that was very close to pleading. Then he started to say another word, one he wasn't used to. "Wwwah…wwwuh…waaah-iii-fuh?"

"Wife?" she repeated, just to make sure she'd heard him right.

WALL·E's optics bobbed up and down in a nod. He reached for her hand then and held it between both of his very firmly. "Eee-vah … wife?"

EVE just stared back at him, blinking a few times. When she didn't answer him, he worried that she had not understood him. The song was almost ending, and his confidence was hanging by a thread. He drew closer and made himself look as meek and earnest as possible. "Eee-vah …be …wife … please?"

Suddenly, EVE's eyes grew round in surprise. WALL·E was asking her to be his wife. His _wife._ She had heard that word nearly as many times as he had and knew exactly what it meant, but somehow she had never expected him to say it like this…to _ask_ her this… Then she realized he was still gazing up at her with optics full of hope, waiting for her to answer.

At first EVE didn't know what to say and became as flustered as WALL·E had been just seconds ago. As she glanced around at everything but him, she heard the song that was now drawing to a close. It dawned on her then that she actually _wanted_ to be WALL·E's wife, because that meant she could be with him forever. As soon as she knew this, she looked back at him and saw a very a dejected looking garbage-bot staring at the ground.

Oh no, he'd mistaken her silence for a rejection! She had to correct this before it was too late! "WALL·E!" she said aloud. He looked back at her with his sad eyes and there was only one thing she knew would change that. Putting both her arms around his cubic body, EVE firmly pressed her screen against his optics, causing an electric surge to pass from her to him. When she pulled back, WALL·E's expression had gone from heartbroken to mesmerized, just as she'd planned. Then with a delighted giggle, EVE picked him up and began spinning him around in circles, exclaiming _"Yes, yes, yes!"_ over and over.

WALL·E wasn't sure if he felt more happy or dizzy as she twirled him about, but he _knew_ he was happy when she kissed him again. It was such a powerful spark that as soon she set him on the bench again, he immediately fell off of it. Then she swooped down on top of him and began nuzzling her screen against his optics in the tenderest way imaginable. She murmured his name softly and lovingly, and WALL·E couldn't have been happier unless he had died and gone to robot heaven.

The next day, the happy couple decided to pay the Captain a visit. He now lived in a restored building in the city which was close to the ancient library. If he wasn't in his study, he could often be found in the library pouring over the texts that had been lost to the centuries. He was in his home today when the robots came and he invited them into his living room. None of his furniture matched and all of it was shabby, but it was better then the tires and cardboard boxes he'd had to get by with before.

Gravity had been good to the Captain these past few years. He was now actually thin enough to put his arms through the sleeves of his jacket, although he still couldn't quite fasten the buttons. Once he was settled in his plaid armchair he laced his fingers together and leaned toward the robot pair seated on the corduroy sofa across from him. "So, WALL·E, what can I do for you today?"

WALL·E began to bounce on the sofa with barely contained enthusiasm. "Wedding!" he blurted out.

The Captain blinked. "A wedding? You want a wedding? For who?"

WALL·E took hold of EVE's arm and pointed back and forth between the two of them with his free hand. EVE just looked at the Captain and waved with a somewhat shy giggle.

The man stared at them with a look of absolute blankness. Then his eyes started growing bigger. He pointed a thick finger at the still bouncing garbage-bot. "For…for _you? You_ … wanna get _married?"_

WALL·E nodded. The Captain sat in his chair looking very bewildered, then shook himself and tried to talk rationally. "Whoa, now hold on a second, WALL·E. Are you sure you've thought this through? I mean, getting married is a really big deal…"

WALL·E just nodded even harder. EVE started to worry his optics would fall off.

The Captain looked back and forth at them in bafflement. Then he put on a smile he hoped was convincing. "Uh, why don't you take another day to think it over, and come back tomorrow? I'm gonna be pretty busy today…"

That statement had not been true five minutes ago, but for several hours after that the Captain was searching every book he had for just one that would tell him what to do about WALL·E's request. He was so busy with his research that he only paused once to boil a pot of coffee, and once later to use the bathroom.

According to the books, marriage for humans had happened millions of times in every single culture in every era of history. But none of the previous generations had written anything on the subject of marrying robots. Not even the catalogues for Buy N Large, the creators of every robot that now existed, had anything to say about it. Maybe the Axiom's computer would have an answer? No, no, it was built by Buy N Large, too. If the answer wasn't in all their papers then it definitely wouldn't be in the old ship's database.

Finally the Captain was forced to conclude that there had never been a robot marriage before, and he would have to handle this situation without any help from his forefathers. But he knew there were people alive today who might be able to help him. Two people, in fact, the very first couple he had ever married.

John, Mary and their little daughter Hannah lived in a different apartment building in another part of town. They were just about to sit down for dinner when there was a knock on the door of their apartment. Mary looked at her husband, holding a pot full of mashed potatoes. "John? Did you invite one of your buddies over again?"

John was busy trying to strap their squirmy toddler into her high chair. "No, I don't think I did…Oomph! Okay, new rule. No more tickle fights before meal time!"

There was more knocking on the door, and a voice asking if anyone was home. Mary gasped. "That sounds like the Captain! What's he doing here?"

John grunted as he finally fastened the last strap on Hannah's harness. "Hngh! How would I know? Let him in and we'll find out!"

Mary frowned at him, then set the pot on the table and hurried to untie her apron. "Just a minute!" she shouted as she rushed out of the kitchen and smoothed her hair at the same time. She acted surprised when she opened the door and saw who was there. "Why, Captain! We didn't expect a visit from _you_ tonight! What brings you here so late?"

The Captain paused in wringing his hat only to give the woman a polite salute. "Sorry to bother you, Mary, but I was wondering if I could talk with you and your husband about…er, something important…"

"Of course, of course! Please, come on in!" Mary opened the door wider to let him enter. "We were just about to start dinner. Would you like to join us?"

"No, no, thanks." The Captain said as he came in. "I don't want to impose on … Hey, is that chicken I smell?"

Soon the Captain was seated at the kitchen table with the family of three. He and John made chit-chat about farming and the weather while Mary concentrated on keeping Hannah's food in her mouth and off of the floor. The Captain made comments on how much the baby had grown and how good the meal was.

Finally, when there was a pause in all the talk, Mary brought up what the Captain had said earlier. "Sir, um, wasn't there something you wanted to talk to us about?"

The man's expression became uneasy again. "Well, yeah, but … Jeez, it's gonna sound crazy."

"Hey, it's okay." John said, trying to be helpful. "We're all friends here, you can tell us."

The Captain cleared his throat and took a deep breath before he spoke. "It's about WALL·E … See, he came to see me at my place today and …" he shook his head and chuckled. "Heh heh, you're not gonna believe this … He asked me for a _wedding."_

Silence filled the apartment. Some noise filtered through the walls from the neighbors. Hannah hummed to herself and dropped some peas on the floor.

John was the first to speak again. "Whoa, wait a minute. Are you saying WALL·E wants to get _married?"_

The Captain nodded very seriously. "Yup. He wants to marry EVE."

Mary was leaning forward now, listening intently. "Well? What did you tell him?"

He sighed and folded his arms on the tabletop. "I told him to come back again tomorrow, just to buy myself some time, but I've gone through all the books I've got and I _still_ don't know what to do. Nothing I read says anything about marrying robots, so I though I should talk to you guys."

John rubbed his chin in thought. "Now that you mention it, it does seem kinda weird. I've never heard of robots wanting to get married before."

"That's true. But this is WALL·E we're talking about, remember?" Mary pointed out. "When has he ever done anything like other robots?"

John snickered and shook his head. "Good point. He's always been more like a person then a machine. And he's so crazy about EVE! He was bound to pop the question sooner or later."

The Captain looked at the couple with arched eyebrows. "So…what you guys are saying is that I _should_ let them get married?"

John shrugged. "Sure, why not? WALL·E's done so much for all of us, and he's never asked for a thing. Why not give him what he wants this time?"

Mary smiled at her husband and squeezed his hand under the table. "I'm with John. If there's no rule against it, I don't see why a robot can't marry the one he loves."

The Captain scratched his head, bewildered once again. When it was put like that, the problem didn't seem nearly so much like a problem. "It sounds so simple when you put it that way. Why didn't _I_ see it like that?" he muttered aloud.

"I'll tell you why, Captain." John said with a grin. "You've never been in love before."

The very next morning, bright and early, WALL·E was at the Captain's door again with EVE right beside him. This time the Captain promised to marry them as soon as they wanted. The garbage-bot was so happy about this that he asked to be married right then and there, but he moved the date to tomorrow when EVE mentioned inviting their friends to watch. If WALL·E had his way he would have invited the entire population of the colony to witness the happiest day of his life, but the Captain reminded him that the town hall would only hold about fifty guests.

So for the rest of the day, the robot couple went about inviting their friends to their wedding. Of course M-O had to be invited because he was WALL·E's best friend and if he was left out he'd never hear the end of it. Then there was COM-T the typing-bot, and the seven 'reject bots': PR-T, BRL-A, HAN-S, L-T, VN-GO, VA-QM, and D-FIB. There were also WALL·E's Axiom class brethren, the WALL·A units, but they were both so big they would have to stand outside and watch through the windows.

Besides these friends, WALL·E and EVE invited John, Mary and their baby Hannah. The human family was allowed to bring some of their own friends to round out the guest list with more humans. When the big day came there were a roughly equal number of robots and humans in the chapel. And last but certainly not least was WALL·E's first and oldest friend Hal, his faithful pet cockroach.

Except for WALL·E and EVE, none of the robots had ever been invited to a wedding before. They didn't know why the event was important, but they were glad to be there anyway. The young human Hannah had much the same attitude, and decided to help by collecting daisies and giving them to anyone with hands to hold them.

Hannah gave the most flowers to EVE because her mother told her to. The probe-bot was the bride, so she was supposed to hold a bouquet. She did not need to wear white, though, because her body was already that color. There was no way, or even any time, to make a gown for her, but that didn't matter to WALL·E, the groom. He didn't think there was any way his bride could be more beautiful then she already was.

The ceremony was short, simple and followed the standard protocol. All WALL·E and EVE had to do was stand before the Captain at the front of the room, who recited everything from a book. "Do you, WALL·E, take EVE to be your lawfully wedded wife for as long as you both shall live?"

WALL·E didn't answer. He was too busy holding hands with EVE and gazing at her in adoration. The Captain leaned over, nudged him to get his attention and whispered. "Psst! You're supposed answer that!"

The garbage-bot quickly snapped back to reality and made flustered noises as he tried to remember his line. "Oh! Ah, uh, I…I do!"

This little flub sent EVE, who was already in a giddy mood, into a fit of giggles. She tried to muffle it behind her flowers, but the whole room could still hear her. Trying to stay serious, the Captain cleared his throat and went on. "And do you, EVE, take WALL·E to be your lawfully wedded husband for as long as you both shall live?"

The probe-bot managed to gather enough composure to reply, though a few giggles still slipped out so her answer came out as a stutter. "I-I d-do!"

Now it was time for the Captain to finish things. "Then by the power invested in me, I now pronounce you man—er, robot—and wife! You may now kiss the bride!"

WALL·E and EVE looked at each other, and that moment everything around them disappeared. This was it. They had really done it. This was the moment they had been waiting for. They kissed and it felt like their first time, when they were floating in space.

WALL·E and EVE remained in their own little world, faces pressed together and completely unaware of the guests until they started cheering. Then they realized that they had never kissed in front of a large crowd until now and quickly pulled back. They had little time to feel embarrassed, though, because now they were being whisked off to celebrate their marriage in the reception hall.

The first thing WALL·E did was spend a good long time shaking the Captain's hand to thank him for making him the happiest robot on Earth. The man smiled cheerfully even though his hand was going numb. By the time WALL·E had gone back his new wife, the Captain was still trying to rub some feeling back into his fingers. Then John came up beside him and gave him a hearty slap on the back. "Congratulations, Captain! You did it! You led the first robot wedding in history!"

The Captain chuckled and straightened his jacket. "Yeah, I guess I did, didn't I? I just hope they don't start asking to have children!"

Meanwhile, WALL·E and EVE were surrounded by their robot friends. They all made happy noises, and those with hands gave handshakes to congratulate them. Then Hannah the human toddler scampered over to the newlyweds. "Wah-wee! Cake!"

The child held a paper plate with a piece of cake between her hands and offered it to the garbage-bot, expecting him to eat it the way all the grown-ups were doing. WALL·E could not do this, of course, but he took the plate anyway and patted the girl's head fondly, who giggled and then left at the call of her mother. When she was gone, WALL·E set the piece of cake on the floor and gave a whistle. Hal came scurrying over and happily dove in.

Mary had gotten together with some of her girl friends to bake a big wedding cake for the human guests to eat. One of the ladies even made tiny wax figures of the robot couple to put on the top. WALL·E liked these so much that he decided to take them home as keepsakes afterward.

When all the excitement died down, WALL·E and EVE began their new life together by going right back to the same routine. When they were not working with the humans to restore the planet to a habitable status, they spent every moment of every day together. Sometimes they would wander the changing landscape hand in hand, other times they would watch movies or play video games in the old truck, but most of the time they would just sit around doing nothing together.

The only difference was that now they were husband and wife, the first robots ever to hold those titles. Neither of them ever knew that, though. All they knew was that the words of _It Only Takes a Moment_ were completely true.

It only took a moment to be loved a whole life long. And really, that was all either of them had wanted to begin with.

_The End_


End file.
